This last week, I have really been struggling with having to be at work and missing out on Harper's milestones. I have never been one to think that I would enjoy staying home, but she has completely changed my perspective. To be clear, this is not an option for me. One thing Stephen and I agreed on before we got married was that we would both work and I'm pretty sure I would hear a resounding "no way" if I brought up that topic. I know I would miss the daily adult interaction if I was a stay-at-home-mom, but that is paling in comparison to what I'm missing right now. The economy is terrible and I have a great job so it would be crazy to give that up, but this is the argument that is going on back and forth in my head. How do you find a balance? How do you keep your heart from breaking when you call to check on her during the day and everyone else seems to be having fun with your baby except you? I obviously haven't found the answers to these questions because I found myself trying (not so successfully) to hold back the tears at work today. She's just about to crawl and has been rocking back and forth for a few weeks, but hasn't yet made the first move. It's going to kill me if I miss it. Over the last several months I have been so blessed to have my friend Patience keeping Harper at my house. On the days that I've worked from home I've been able to see her more and it has made life so much easier on this working momma! But Patience is moving to Auburn in a couple of weeks and that will bring an end to having that extra time with her. I'm really going to have a hard time with that I'm afraid. I know it is selfish of me to feel this way. Harper is happy with everyone that helps out with her and they are all cheering her on to accomplish her next big thing. But it just makes me sad that I'm missing out on all the fun during the week. Some days are definitely harder than others. I'm just praying that God will help me find a way to deal with these feelings and hoping that Harper will save those big things (first crawl, first step, etc) for when I'm there to see.
Here are some pictures taken over the last month. We have a beach trip with my family coming up in a couple of weeks. Hopefully she'll enjoy it more this time around. She did like Aunt Teresa's pool on the 4th of July and she's loving her baths in the big tub now that she has the freedom to splash around. We've already had to start thinking about planning her 1st birthday party just to get the date on the calendar because there are going to be so many other things going on around that time (congrats to Tamra and Rusty on their engagment and the New Year's Eve wedding that is currently in the works!). This year is going by so fast!
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