The working mommy blues....

Can't believe it has beeen a month already since my last post. I haven't been very consistent with the blog lately. There is just too much going on.

This last week, I have really been struggling with having to be at work and missing out on Harper's milestones. I have never been one to think that I would enjoy staying home, but she has completely changed my perspective. To be clear, this is not an option for me. One thing Stephen and I agreed on before we got married was that we would both work and I'm pretty sure I would hear a resounding "no way" if I brought up that topic. I know I would miss the daily adult interaction if I was a stay-at-home-mom, but that is paling in comparison to what I'm missing right now. The economy is terrible and I have a great job so it would be crazy to give that up, but this is the argument that is going on back and forth in my head. How do you find a balance? How do you keep your heart from breaking when you call to check on her during the day and everyone else seems to be having fun with your baby except you? I obviously haven't found the answers to these questions because I found myself trying (not so successfully) to hold back the tears at work today. She's just about to crawl and has been rocking back and forth for a few weeks, but hasn't yet made the first move. It's going to kill me if I miss it. Over the last several months I have been so blessed to have my friend Patience keeping Harper at my house. On the days that I've worked from home I've been able to see her more and it has made life so much easier on this working momma! But Patience is moving to Auburn in a couple of weeks and that will bring an end to having that extra time with her. I'm really going to have a hard time with that I'm afraid. I know it is selfish of me to feel this way. Harper is happy with everyone that helps out with her and they are all cheering her on to accomplish her next big thing. But it just makes me sad that I'm missing out on all the fun during the week. Some days are definitely harder than others. I'm just praying that God will help me find a way to deal with these feelings and hoping that Harper will save those big things (first crawl, first step, etc) for when I'm there to see.

Here are some pictures taken over the last month. We have a beach trip with my family coming up in a couple of weeks. Hopefully she'll enjoy it more this time around. She did like Aunt Teresa's pool on the 4th of July and she's loving her baths in the big tub now that she has the freedom to splash around. We've already had to start thinking about planning her 1st birthday party just to get the date on the calendar because there are going to be so many other things going on around that time (congrats to Tamra and Rusty on their engagment and the New Year's Eve wedding that is currently in the works!). This year is going by so fast!

6mth Check Up, Beach, Father's Day, etc

It's been hard to find the time to blog over the last week. Lots going on right now, but here's the latest! (and no, there isn't a picture missing below, there is just a large space that I can't get rid of when I save this no matter what I try)

We had our 6 month check up on June 9th. Our growing girl is 19 lbs 9 oz, 27 inches long, and she's falling in the 93rd percentile for height and weight. It's looking like a good possibility that she will be taller than her short stump of a mother, fortunately for her.

Although she has been playing with her hands since she got here, it's like she is just now discovering what she can do with them. She just holds them out, staring and moving her fingers in disbelief. And she'll wave one hand in the air like a rodeo queen, fascinated with the motion. It's really cute! And she's also loving when anyone will hold her up by her hands and let her walk. She puts one foot in front of the other just like she knows what she's doing. It won't be long before she's all over the place!

The beach was fun, but HOT!!! We only made it out a couple of times because I decided it was torture to make that poor baby sit out in the stifling heat and get sand in unnamed places when there was a perfectly air conditioned condo upstairs with a view. She and I both caught up on our sleep while we were there which was incredibly nice. When I'm at home I'm always doing something (laundry, cleaning, etc), so it was great to not have anything to do except spend time with her. She did enjoy the pool one day, but I think both of us will have more fun when she's a little older.

Father's Day got off to a rocky start because we were trying to be on time for Sunday school and it's kind of difficult for this clan to get anywhere on time these days. So there was a little tension that morning and sadly, I don't think we were able to give "Dad" his due. Although we did give him cards and a cute gift from Harper, it just felt like we rushed through the day without taking the time to really acknowledge and show appreciation for all that he does. Although Harper doesn't know just how blessed she is yet, I am certain that she is one lucky girl to have him as her daddy! I don't think dads realize their importance in the first year of a baby's life because honestly, most babies just need their mommas more during this time. But things evolve and eventually dads are able to show the world to kids in a way that moms simply can't. They make great teachers and awesome playmates. The bond that they develop through the years is irreplaceable, especially that of a father and daughter. He's the first man she will be head over heels for and the one man that she will compare all others to. Her mom may tell her what to expect in a future mate, but her dad will show her through his actions what she should expect. Speaking from experience, all you dads out there better be on your toes because you may not fully understand the impact that you are making. I am blessed to have found someone that compares to my dad (maybe not in the mr. fix-it kind of way, but in all other ways). He is the best and Harper and I love him to the moon and back!

Upcoming beach trip and other random thoughts...

Well, we are gearing up for our first beach trip with Harper! We leave next Friday after work to go with Stephen's family. I am so excited! We will be doing the beach round 2 with my family at the end of July. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed thinking about all that I need to pack. I know if I forget something we can always make a run to the store, but I'm worried about the things that can't be so easily replaced. We've spent the night away from home once since she's been here and she didn't do so well. In her defense, she had not yet reached the sleeping through the night stage, but even if she had, I'm pretty sure a lot of it had to do with not being in her own bed. I hope that this will be different, at least for the family's sake, or it may not be a very restful vacation for them.
I have been trying for several days to get a shot of her new teeth. She's pretty shy about them though. Any time I try to pull her lip down she sticks her tongue out, so no luck yet, but they are so cute! And be warned, she will try to bite your finger off if you get it close enough to her mouth. To be so little, those chompers sure do hurt!

Saturday night we went to Amanda and Candice's house to eat supper and play Just Dance on the Wii. Harper made some new friends. Brilyn, Madie, and Ella loved playing with her and she had so much fun watching them. Ella came up to her, pointed and said, "chubby, chubby." It was hilarious. Even the little ones can see, this girl is a chunk!

Thankfully, I have several "off days" coming up and there is now a holiday at least every other month between now and the end of the year. January to May is such a dry spell in the working world.

Side note:

Last Friday I was watching Good Morning America and Lady Gaga was kicking off their summer concert series. I do not understand the fascination with this person. The park that she was singing in was covered up. People had even been sleeping out there for a few nights to be on the front lines during the performance. There were tons of kids; fathers holding their little girls up and singing every song, line for line. I was sitting there wondering why in the world these crazy parents would let their kids listen to her. Is this what they are hoping their little girls will grow up to be like? Her episode on the American Idol finale was a little scandalous for the kids watching in the audience and at home. And for the love, she wears shoes that have high heels in the shape of man parts?!?! I'll admit the music may have a catchy beat, and her freakish outfits and antics are like a bad car wreck that you can't help but watch, but I would hate to think that my daughter would ever truly like or admire someone like her. You can't even call her an artist. It's all about the theatrics with her. She just wants to put on a show and somehow she has managed to get on the list of the top 50 most influential women IN THE WORLD! That is insane. Anyway, that's my rant for the week. I have high hopes for Harper and it doesn't include running around with her face painted up, looking like a drag queen with high heels shaped like man parts.

We have our six month check up next week! I can't wait to see how much she has grown. Updates to follow. Happy weekend to you!

Lately...

It's been a hectic few weeks and it's been a while since my last post, so here's what we've been up to lately...

Stephen and I celebrated three years of wedded bliss on May 3rd. We both hated to be away from Harper for too long since we work all the time. So on Friday night of that week, Mom stayed with her and we went out to eat and watched a cute chick flick (Something Borrowed), which Stephen is always a good sport about. We had a great time! It was one of the only times I have actually been out, just Stephen and me, since Harper was born.

I got to enjoy a wonderful first Mother's Day by having brunch at the Cheesecake Factory followed by ice cream at Bruisters and a lazy afternoon at home. Just what this mommy wanted!

Turning Now to Harper Updates:

She is changing almost daily. She is currently working on sitting up by herself and is getting quite good at it. Since I posted last we have been eating oatmeal and bananas and she is opening up wide for each bite now. She also loves my homemade sweet potatoes. She actually took the spoon from me the other night and tried to feed herself. I've decided to try making my own baby food, 1) because it's better for her and 2) because it's cheaper and Stephen is a stickler for whatever is the cheapest option. I bought a great book called Baby Love and it contains some really simple recipes for nutritious baby meals. It only takes an hour or two a week to prepare two weeks worth of meals!

And drum roll please...we have two, count 'em, two, teeth that have broken through the gums! I can't believe it's already that time. It seemed like it happened overnight. We are going to be so sad when that open-mouth, gummy smile of hers is gone. But I know it only gets better! I could see them right at the base of her gums last Monday morning and by that afternoon they had already come through. This new milestone definitely made for a fussy week though. We we were up several times each night last week and I know that was the problem.

Last week, I was reading one of the many blogs that I am currently following and this particular mom was talking about how she wrote out both of her daughters' birth stories. She described all of the events that took place in the days leading up to the birth of her daughters (people at the hospital, different emotions that she felt, and a slew of other details that were important to her). This motivated me to do the same thing while the specifics were still relatively fresh on my mind. I decided to start from the time we found out we were expecting. I tried to keep up with all the special moments throughout my pregnancy by jotting them down in my planner last year. And of course, I continue on with the day that I went into labor and all of the details that were important to me about that incredible time. I thought about posting it on my blog, but since I have started writing this out, I have decided that it is much too personal...not that I'm including all the gory particulars from the day or anything like that. It has just become a very emotional (but in a good way) journey to revisit all of those feelings about becoming a mom for the first time. I have said if I could relive that day over and over I absolutely would because it was one of those mountain top experiences that nothing else can compare to! Not only has it been good for me to write the story, but I really believe that Harper will enjoy reading this one day too.

That's all for now, time to get back to work. Here are more pictures of Harper that were taken in the last few weeks.